At all stages of life it is necessary to be able to communicate our personal needs. Communication skills increase confidence and enable you to ensure you are understood. Everyone has the right to emotional well-being and it can start with good communication between spouses or family members, or caregivers and learning to communicate makes life easier.
The skill to be able to manage relationships requires understanding of communication patterns and control. Some of the characteristics which identify individuals or groups seeking to control others, are self-centered comments and unreasonable expectations. Another tactic used by seekers of control is communication strategies that disempower you.
The first dysfunctional communication pattern is failing to provide complete answers to questions. Incomplete answers may cause you are, to doubt yourself. You may assume that the person or group is better or more intelligent than you and that you really need them to look after you. It may lead to you assuming that you have no right to ask questions.
Communication - not Confrontation
You do have a right to get an honest and complete answer if it involves a breech of a commitment between you the person or group that seeks control. You also have the right to an answer if it is something that affects you personally and directly.
Another communication style that is problematic is convoluted or confusing requests or answers to questions. If they ask you to do something and the request is made by using complicated jargon or full of confusing contradictions, you are likely to end up in a conflict later. Furthermore, even if it was an accurate interpretation, it leaves a lot of room for the other person to twist what was said at a later time.
Convoluted language is often found in groups bent on control. Using jargon that is only meaningful to members of the group, leaves you feeling like an outsider. If you lack self esteem or are caught in a desire for the approval of others, you become an easy target. Usually when you become part of the group, you find yourself struggling to meet the rules of the group. The rules are often equally full of jargon. Struggle as you may, you find yourself unable to fit and you gradually relinquish more and more control to the group in hopes of fitting in and getting approval.
Regaining control cannot precede taking the time to have a well developed, healthy self-image. Recognize your strengths as an individual and know that you can find various resources to assist you in your weak areas. Remember that everyone has some weak areas and that is not a sign of weakness.
Learn communication skills. Talk in clear, precise language. Paraphrase the message received from the other person to confirm that you understand what they are saying. If they do not agree, when you repeat the message back to them in your own words, you will be able to either see it in their body language or they will rebut if they were really misunderstood.
Learn to listen without interrupting and ask that the other person or people provide you the same opportunity. Language is powerful. It can be used to hurt and it can be used to heal. Take the responsibility for your own communication and never use words to hurt others. Control of your own life and accepting personal responsibility are inseparable concepts.
When we fail to take good care of ourselves emotionally it causes reduced self-esteem and affects our ability to manage life effectively. When our self-esteem is eroded we feel like we don’t matter and we create a cycle that continues to weaken our self -esteem. Unless we can share our feelings, it is next to impossible to expect others to meet our needs – it isn’t possible to be a mind reader and others, including caregivers, do not know what we need unless we can express our needs.
